


Make Note (Sharpies)

by mmkbtk



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Relationships, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-07 12:37:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11059131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmkbtk/pseuds/mmkbtk
Summary: Anxiety Write on himself in Sharpies in order to cope with the problems he has. He's been doing this for years, using colors to represent each of the others and writing fake notes from all of them. What happens when the others notice?





	1. Chapter 1

Logic was the first to notice. This made sense when you took into account the fact that after their debate they had begun hanging out more often. 

They had been in Logan’s room each reading their own books. Anxiety had been sitting on top of Logan’s desk, “because he could”, when he slipped off. He hissed in pain and knew that his elbows were bleeding from where he caught himself.

“Take off your jacket,” Logan said, fetching the first aid kit he kept in his room.

“W-what?”

“Take off your jacket. You landed pretty harshly on your arms and based on the pained noise you made. You most likely injured yourself. I will check you over and patch you up. Perhaps now you will listen to me when I say not to sit on something.”

Anxiety slowly complied, looking down when the sharpie on his arms was exposed. Logic took note of what each part said, but didn’t mention it. He just bandaged Anxiety’s arms and they went back to their reading.

**~*~*~**

Thomas was the next to see. It was an extremely hot day that nothing seemed to help cool them down. Unfortunately for Anxiety this also happened to be the day he had chosen to stay out of the mindscape and sit in Thomas’ living room.

“I can tell you’re sweating,” Thomas said. “Why don’t you take off your jacket?”

Anxiety tugged on his sleeves and shrugged not meeting Thomas’ eyes. “Anx, I’m not going to judge you, or anything,” Thomas said. “I mean you’re part of me. There’s nothing to worry about.”

Anxiety didn’t respond at first, internally fighting himself. Finally, he sighed and looked his host in the eye. “Promise?”

Thomas looked Anxiety right back in the eye, nodded and smiled. “Of course, there’s no reason for me to judge a part of myself.” At that Anxiety sighed and slowly removed his jacket. To Thomas’ surprise, the thing that Anxiety seemed to be hiding was some scattered notes in sharpies on his arms. “Are these what you were afraid I’d judge you about?” Thomas asked, attempting to read what was on his negative facets arms.

Anxiety flinched and crossed his arms to cover the maker. “Yes, now stop trying to read them.”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” and with that apology from Thomas they were both back to doing their own things.

**~*~*~**

The next time someone found out, Anxiety was having a Bad Day™. Well, it was more a series of Bad Days™ that had been going on for about a week. That’s why when Morality went to check on him and found him passed out on a pile of soft things (pillows, blankets, stuffed animals, etc.) he wasn’t surprised. What did surprise him though was the fact that Anxiety was missing both a shirt and his jacket and his entire torso seemed to be covered in sharpie. Slowly moving closer Morality was able to read some of the messages written. They were written in four different colors, each seeming to have its own voice. It wasn’t until he read a light blue message with the word “kiddo” in it that he realized that each color represented a side, or in the case of purple their host himself.

“Are things really so bad you have to write messages from each of us to yourself?” Morality asked quietly, knowing he wouldn’t get an answer. He then gently covered Anxiety with a blanket and left the room, gently closing the door behind himself.

**~*~*~**

Prince was the last to find out, but the way he handled it led to Anxiety shutting everyone out for awhile. Everyone had just finished a video and had walked into the commons. Anxiety had left earlier than the others so he was already in there. They found him curled in his chair scribbling on his arm, muttering to himself. Morality and Logic made eye-contact, silently agreeing not to talk to Anxiety about it quite yet.

“Anxiety? What are you doing? Are you okay?” Unfortunately, Roman wasn’t in on this plan.

Anxiety froze, seemingly not even breathing. Logic and Morality stopped moving as well until Logic broke the sudden silence. “You don’t have to answer that Anx. It is entirely up to you if he knows.”

Slowly Anxiety looked up at the three, though he seemed to be looking through them. They could see that he was crying then. Suddenly, Anxiety bolted past them and his door slammed behind him.

“Roman, for future reference, we don’t ask about the sharpie. Based on my observations I would guess that he uses it as a coping mechanism,” Logic said.

“Yeah, kiddo. He doesn’t want us to know about it yet, so we should respect that,” Morality followed.

Roman looked down, seeming a little embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to upset him...”

**~*~*~**

After they had gotten Anxiety to open back up to them, they decided a movie night was in order. They went to Thomas and set it up to include everyone. To say that Anxiety was surprised when Morality, Logic, and Prince showed up at his door to invite them to a movie night with Thomas, would be an understatement. Normally when the trio had movie nights he wasn’t invited, so to be invited directly by all three of them? It was startling.

“You guys know you don’t have to invite me if you don’t want me there right? In fact, I would prefer you didn’t...” Anxiety grumbled. Their faces fell a bit from their previous hopeful looks.

“We do want you there, Anx. Thomas wants you there too.”

Anxiety scoffs, “Thomas never wants me there. No one does.” He then looks down, tugging on his sleeves. “Don’t worry though. I get it. I wouldn’t want me there either...”

Their faces flooded with sympathy before Prince’s hardened. He quickly and suddenly advanced on Anxiety. Without giving the other a chance to respond, he picked the younger up, causing him to release a squawk.

“Hey! Put me down!” Anxiety shrieked, hitting Prince in the back in an effort to be released.

“Nope. You’re coming to movie night.” Prince responds already leaving Anxiety’s room and heading for the commons. Logic and Morality followed closely behind.

“I don’t even want to come to your stupid movie night!”

“That’s not true Anx, and we both know it. I’m sorry we never invited you in the past.”

This statement caused Anxiety to go lax in Roman’s arms. After a few moments of tense silence Anxiety finally said, “What movies are we watching?”

“You’ll see!” Morality said with a teasing smile. Almost immediately after this was said, they were all being summoned.

“Oh! You got him to agree?” Thomas said, actually seeming happy to see Anxiety for once.

“More like they emo-napped me. Will you put me down now? I’m not gonna run.”

“Hmm... I’ll think about it.”

“It would be quite difficult for Anxiety to watch the movies from that position on your shoulder.”

“I suppose you’re right Lo. Guess I have to put him down.” Prince said before placing Anxiety in the middle of the couch, beside Morality where he had already sat down. When Anx immediately attempted to scramble away Morality pulled him into a hug, not letting him move away. “Thought you weren’t going to run?” Prince asked teasingly.

“I just wanted to sit by the arm of the couch...” came the muffled response from where Anx’s face was pressed into Morality’s shoulder. As soon as Patton had pulled him into the hug, Anxiety had melted. Tentatively he hugged Patton back and buried his face in the other’s shoulder, his blush luckily being hidden beneath his foundation. Because he had his face hidden in the eldest's shoulder he didn’t see the surprised looks that the others shared. Logan then draped a blanket, that he must have grabbed before they were summoned, over Anxiety and Patton before sitting on Patton’s other side.

Roman was the next to sit down, on Anxiety’s other side taking a blanket from the pile in front of the couch. “We’re gonna be watching some horror movies. Hope that’s alright with you Anxiety!” Thomas said, getting the first movie set up.

This caused Anxiety to actually look at Thomas, confused. “But it’s-”

“Not Halloween time. I know, it’s just what we decided to watch this time.”

“Why would you  _ choose _ to watch them? None of you like horror movies!”

“You like them,” Thomas said simply, before starting the first movie, Orphan. As the movie started Thomas curled up in the pile of bedding in front of the couch and his sides. 

**~*~*~**

About half-way through the movie Anxiety had had enough of everyone obviously not having a good time with the movie and he grabbed the remote (he wasn’t going to force them to watch movies they didn’t want to. It was bad enough for him that he was even there with them). pausing the movie. “All of you are obviously not enjoying this, so why pick these?”

“I already told you. You enjoy horror movies so we decided to watch them with you.”

“I’m not enjoying it because I know none you are enjoying it. Now put on some disney movies.”

“But-”

“Nope, no arguing. You said you were doing this for me, which I still don’t understand, but if any of us are going to have a nice time we’re gonna put on something all of us can enjoy.” 

With that Anxiety got up and changed the movie to Mulan. After the movie was in and started he returned to the couch and settled back in between Patton and Roman feeling more relaxed than he had in quite some time.

**~*~*~**

Sometime during the third movie (Lion King) Anxiety had begun to doze off. He had cuddled into Morality (though he’d never admit that’s what it was) part way through Mulan and his lack of sleep was starting to catch up to him. Morality had also begun to run his fingers through Anxiety’s hair at some point, relaxing him further.

“You can fall asleep if you want,” Morality whispered to him. “We’re not going to judge, we know you don’t get enough sleep.”

Finally, after being told this, he let himself relax into sleep, trusting the others wouldn’t let anything happen to him.

**~*~*~**

For the first time in probably ever, Anxiety woke slowly. There was a comforting weight on part of him and everything was a pleasant warmth. Slowly he opened his eyes and realized that he was still in the living room, the menu for a disney movie playing the TV. The weight on him he realized was Roman, who must have fallen asleep on him sometime the previous night. He was also curled up and leaning against Patton.

Once he was awake, however, he realized he had a problem. Roman laying on his legs was cutting off the circulation in them, but there was no way for Anxiety to move without waking the Prince (As much as they didn’t along, Roman could be an absolute  _ terror _ without his “beauty sleep”. Plus, y’know,  _ anxiety~. _ ) After several minutes of just trying to wait it out, Anxiety knew he was going to have to just move and hope for the best.

So, as slowly and gently as possible he moved Roman so he could stand up and the other was laying on Patton instead. By some miracle, he managed to succeed, with the other only stirring a few times, but never fully waking up.

Once Anxiety was standing and he had shaken the numbness from his limbs he looked at everyone. Logan had also fallen asleep on Patton and Thomas had passed out in his pile of bedding. That was when his stomach growled.

_ Might as well just go make myself food _ he thought to himself and headed out into the quietly so he didn’t wake the others.  _ Maybe if I make everyone breakfast they’ll want to invite me to one of these again... _ With that thought Anxiety pulled out pancake mix, setting himself up to make everyone food.

After getting out the materials he’d need he started rolling up his sleeves so he wouldn’t spill anything on them by accident. Something caught his however when he did this, and shock caused him to drop the bowl he was holding. When the bowl hit the ground it shattered and Anxiety let out a little shriek.

Almost immediately there were footsteps coming his way. “Anxiety? What happened?” came a groggy voice from the doorway. Anxiety glanced up and through his tears, he saw the unmistakeable form of Logan.

“i-i... S-sorry! Sorry! I-I-- s-sorry,” was all Anxiety could manage to get out. ~~_Wow, way to fuck up..._~~ There was no way Anxiety was going to be able to face the others when he had so many so many conflicting emotions running through him. So, he sank out and immediately went to his room, letting the tears fall.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took like a month, but it has finally arrived!!

_You just had to freak out, didn’t you!_  Anxiety’s mind yelled at him.  _They were_ accepting _you and you just break a bowl and leave! And over what? Some kind notes they wrote you? You really are an idiot._ After retreating to his room Anxiety had collapsed into his bed and curled into a ball of self-loathing, just letting his angry thoughts wash over him. Occasionally, he would glance at his arms and read what was written there; this would only bring more tears.

_I am glad we get to exist together. -Logan_

_From this moment on, I vow to protect you! I love having you around! ~Roman_

_We all love you kiddo <3 ~ Patton_

_I enjoy having you as my side. Thanks for protecting me. ~Thomas_

Some part of Anxiety had already known they had seen his arms and subsequently seen the notes on them, but this just made it much more real. Each note was in the proper color for each of them. Logan in dark blue, Patton in light blue, Roman in red, and Thomas in purple. Patton had even added a <3 (he didn’t draw a heart, he actually made a “less than” symbol and a 3).

Suddenly there was a knock on his door.  _No no no nononono_. “Kiddo? Do you wanna talk about it? No one’s upset about the bowl if that’s what this is about.”  _Frick_! Of course, it was Pat.

When Anxiety didn’t respond (how could he with the way he was choking on tears and the air was getting hard to breathe) he thought Pat would just leave, but that wasn’t the case. “Anxiety, buddy. If you can hear me, but can’t talk can you bang on the wall once for me?”

That was something Anxiety could manage. He knocked on the wall loud enough he knew Pat could hear him. “Okay, buddy. Can I come in? One knock for yes, two for no,” Came the response from outside the door. Anxiety thought for a moment. Would he be okay letting Patton in? He knew from experience that things could definitely get worse from here, but could they also get better?

Slowly, he gave a single knock.

Morality gently closed the door behind him when he entered then slowly approached Anxiety, sitting at the foot of his bed. Patton gently laid his hand on Anxiety’s back, testing his limits without speaking. When he received no response he began rubbing soothing circles into the others back and speaking quiet words of comfort.

After what seemed like forever, Anxiety was able to begin calming down. His tears were slowing and he was able to catch his breath finally. When Morality noticed that he had calmed down some he calmly asked “Can you tell me what this was about, buddy?” While still rubbing the younger’s back.

Anxiety took in a deep breath. “I-I-… W-why–?” He choked out.

“Why what, Anx? I wanna help, but I need to know what you need” Morality asked gently.

Anxiety pulls into himself a bit, before tugging up his sleeves and shoving his arms towards Morality. “Wh–why?” he asked.

Softly, Patton took Anxiety’s arms and ran a thumb over the ink. “We did it because we care about you Anx. We haven’t been the best to you in the past, but we’re going to change that. I’m sorry it took us so long to realize what we were doing.“

Anxiety was crying again and threw himself into Morality, giving him a hug. Patton immediately hugged back and began rubbing his back again. "Maybe this would be something better discussed with the others. I know that’s going to make you nervous Anx, but everyone needs to be able to give their input on this. We all wrote our own comments.”

Anxiety sniffled and took a deep breath, trying to calm his shaking. “I-I can’t. Everyone’s gonna be upset. I messed up again. Even when I’m trying to do something right I just– I can’t. I messed up and I’m always gonna mess up. I don’t blame you, or any of the others for pushing me away. I deserved it.”

“No Anx you didn’t. All of us want the chance to apologize and make it up to you. Do you think you can try to give that to us?” Patton asked, trying to make Anxiety understand. He may not be the wordsmith that Logan was, but he knew how to comfort people. It was kinda a part of his job.

Anxiety curled closer to Patton, wanting desperately for him to be telling the truth, for this not to be some big scheme for them to bring him up so they could tear him down farther than normal. He didn’t think he could handle it if they did that. He probably wouldn’t be able to carry on anymore like he has been doing. “I– I’ll go, but… But you have to promise me this isn’t just a big joke. If it’s a joke, just… just leave me here. Please. I know you all probably hate me, but I won’t be able to handle this being a joke.”

Morality’s heart broke a bit at that, they had hurt him so badly he thought their kindness was a joke, then said, “This isn’t a joke, Anx. That would be cruel to do to you. We don’t hate you and we really are sorry. I’m sorry we made you feel this way. I’m sorry we did this to you” He pulled back slightly so he could look Anxiety in the eye. “Thank you for giving us a chance. I know it’s gonna take time, but I really want to make up for all the stuff we’ve said and done to hurt you.”

Anxiety looked down, breaking eye-contact with Morality, and took a deep breath. “Let’s just… Let’s just go.”

**~*~*~**

About an hour after Morality had gone after Anxiety, the other three were starting to get restless. The first thing to break the silence between the three was Logan and Roman’s phones going off at the same time. They had each received the same message from Patton.

_He panicked about the sharpie, be prepared to talk about it. We’ll be back as soon as he has calmed down enough. ~Mo_

“I thought he would be happy about the messages,” Roman said after they had informed Thomas about the new information.

“I believe it was less that he was unhappy about them and more that he wasn’t expecting them. Patton did say that he panicked about it, not that it upset him,” Logan responded.

**~*~*~**

After another half hour, Patton appeared with Anxiety clinging to his side like a lifeline. The two of them almost looked cute together except for the fact Anxiety appeared terrified to be in front of the other Logan, Roman, and Thomas. Nobody dared speak until Morality had gotten himself and Anx settled into the couch. Even once they had, no one had any idea how to start it.

“I think,” Patton spoke up, “We should all start with apologizing. So, I really truly am sorry Anxiety. For everything.”

“I will go next,” Logan said adjusting how glasses, “ Anxiety, despite us making some strides towards friendship recently, I have treated you unfairly. Both recently and before. For this, I must apologize.”

Anxiety fidgeted, unsure if he was supposed to respond. Luckily, he was stopped from overthinking it by Roman, who cleared his throat. “Anxiety, the way I have treated you in the past has been undeniably, un-prince-like. I do not expect you to believe me when I say this, nor do I expect to be forgiven, but I truly am sorry for everything I have done to you. From now on I vow to protect you from harm, rather than being the one to inflict it.”

The darker facet was starting to get choked up. He was tired of crying already, but he couldn’t help it. Everything seemed unreal to him. The others apologizing to  _him_? Why would they have any reason to feel sorry, he knew why they hated him? Did they- was there really a chance that they didn’t hate them?

Thomas was the next, and last of the four to speak. “I know I haven’t been the best to you Anxiety. I know you’re only doing your job and there is no reason for us to gang up on you for that. It’s not your fault. Thank you for keeping me safe. I’m sorry for always making you the bad guy. You aren’t and you really don’t deserve to be attacked for it.”

And that broke the dam. Tears slipped from Anxiety’s eyes and he curled into Patton’s side as he tried, and failed to hold them back. Patton instinctively wrapped an arm around Anx, rubbing his shoulder soothingly. Roman from his other side reached out and carefully placed a hand on the other sides leg, in an attempt to try to comfort him.

“Roman was absolutely correct Anxiety,” Logan said. “We do not expect to you to believe us, after all, there is no evidence to show what we have repented. We do plan to change though, and hopefully prove to you that we are being completely serious.”

“Even if Logan is the only one who wears a necktie,” Patton added jokingly. That earned a chuckle from everyone and even got a slight smile from Anx, even if no one could see it.

They all sat in silence for a bit, seemingly waiting for something until someone broke it again. Surprisingly this someone was Anxiety. “I-I’m s-sorry for cr-crying, I just… I’m st-ill so sur-surprised that this is hap-happening.”

“Kiddo, you don’t have to apologize for showing emotions. In fact, I’m proud of you that you are,” Morality said.

“I-I know it’s just,” Anxiety said, “F-for the long-est time the only th-thing ke-eping me g-oing was this,” he gestures to his own arms. “It-it was the on-only thing giving me h-hope, ev-even if i-it was artificial.”

“It doesn’t have to be artificial anymore Anx. You did good on your own for this long, but you don’t have to be alone anymore,” Roman said giving a light squeeze.

“As we have already shown, we are more than willing to take over writing your messages. If you would like that is,” Logan said.

“I-,” Anxiety started before taking a deep breath and looking to the others. “I would like that. More than I would care to say.

He was going to put his last shred of hope out there. The most he could wish for now, was that they didn’t crush it. Because living without hope makes you a shell. And is that really living?

**Author's Note:**

> This was also posted on my tumblr  
> You can find me @polysandershell


End file.
